InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Have you tried soaking it?"

yagami_light (yagami_light) wrote,
@ 2008-05-22 20:28:00

I feel....lost.

(Post a new comment)

	strix 2008-05-23 06:14 am UTC (link)
	Then get lost. Go die, or something. At least that way the worms will get to eat you and something useful will come of your existance. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-23 06:18 am UTC (link)
	I'll die whenever L chooses to kill me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	strix 2008-05-23 06:31 am UTC (link)
	[private] It better be soon, otherwise I'm going to get my hands on you. And you are not going to like that. I know your little trick now, fucker. [/private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-23 06:36 am UTC (link)
	[Private] My little..'trick'?... [/Private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	strix 2008-05-23 06:40 am UTC (link)
	[private] "Look at me! I can make a gun appear from thin air! Whee!" That trick, asshole. Don't think you'll be lucky enought to catch me with it twice. [/private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-23 06:45 am UTC (link)
	[Private] Oh, that one..Okay. [/Private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	strix 2008-05-23 06:49 am UTC (link)
	[private] You are going to make this easy, aren't you? [/private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-23 06:52 am UTC (link)

[Private]

Personally, Strix, Nothingness was better than the thoughts I'm having now..The things I'm uncovering...They are horrifying.

In Nothingness..they would all fade away.

But, know this...I will fight back if the person killing me is not L...Because I know that, after what I did, he would want to kill me himself. I do not plan to deny him this privilege.

[/Private]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	strix 2008-05-23 07:02 am UTC (link)
	[private] You are a disgusting little worm. Even if you don't roll ever and play dead, rest assured I can still womp your ass. You better pray that he gets to you first, because I am not going to wait very long. [/priavte] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-23 04:33 pm UTC (link)

[Private]
Fine, do whatever you wish to me as long as it doesn't kill me. My life is in L's hands, and if you have a problem with that, then so be it.
he needs to recover first and then come up with a plan to kill me. I know he'll think longer this time since the last plan resulted in horror. Be patient, as I'm sure whatever he will do will be worse to me than whatever you plan.
[/Private]

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	peccatus_regina 2008-05-23 06:19 am UTC (link)
	Are you truly so weak that a simple lapse of control destroys you so utterly? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-23 06:22 am UTC (link)
	No..I'll get back on my feet once I figure myself out...It's just..taking a bit...I think I may just be in denial of the truth is what it is. I don't want to accept it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	peccatus_regina 2008-05-23 06:23 am UTC (link)
	Accept what? That you're a child who can't control his temper? And it is quite clear from your writings that you are overwhelmed and ruined. Even if only momentarily. Pick yourself up, own up to your temper, and be done with it. Or are you not even strong enough to stand behind your actions? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-23 06:34 am UTC (link)
	No..It's a worse truth than that. And this action..I won't stand behind. I'll try to accept I did it..but I won't support it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	peccatus_regina 2008-05-23 06:39 am UTC (link)
	Why not? Are you not enough of a man to at the very least stand behind your convictions? They are your actions, Light Yagami. You chose to do this thing. It's completion and passing makes no difference. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-23 06:48 am UTC (link)

I know I chose to do it..but I also know now that I chose wrong. I know I won't ever be able to make it right...but I also know I don't want to do any such thing ever again.

[Private]
And anything good I can do for L..I will. I know it won't help the situation...and he'll never forgive me..but I will still do my best to make things somewhat right for him.
[/Private]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Private to Light/Dante

peccatus_regina
2008-05-23 06:51 am UTC (link)

You truly are a miserable child. You wish to make things right? You feel guilt over your actions? You wish forgiveness? From this man you spoke so blithely of killing?

I have nothing more to say to you. I have no respect for those who fall prey to such petty things as guilt, or who allow themselves to wallow in self pity. Had you stood behind your actions... I do not agree with your little tantrum, but I can respect conviction.

This? You aren't worth my time.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Private to Light/Dante

yagami_light
2008-05-23 06:55 am UTC (link)

I do not mind.

I know most everyone who exists in this realm wants me head on a silver platter by now.

But, the fact that I feel guilt over this..actually makes me feel more human than I have in..in years...

I feel almost like myself again..Not Kira...but Light Yagami.

If anything good came out of this..It's the fact that now I feel I can almost see clearly again.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Light/Dante peccatus_regina 2008-05-23 07:02 am UTC (link)
	You misunderstand. I don't care that you did it. It's this foolish waffling and wailing and lament of misery I despise. You're a servant of Hell, you fool. Do you truly think the Lord of Darkness chose you because of your humanity? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Light/Dante yagami_light 2008-05-23 04:29 pm UTC (link)
	The fact of the matter is that, I don't care why he chose me, or why I'm here. I'll fight in this war like everyone else, but don't expect me to go along with inhumanity. I'm human. I'm human, and I'm glad I DO have some humanity left. Whatever you say won't change that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	coxtastic 2008-05-23 07:12 am UTC (link)
	...How old are you? No really. Here I was thinking this was the fight between (wouldn't ya know it) Heaven and Hell. And here we are saying we're lost. Here's a map for you. Our side is evil. Their side is good. Our side is hell. Their side is heaven. Do ya need any more map then that? (Reply to this) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-23 04:31 pm UTC (link)

I suppose you could say I'm 24, since I was one month away from being so when I died.

I don't care what side I'm on, I'll fight for the side I've been placed on...but don't expect me to find joy in the fact that I just raped him, you hear me?

I'm lost because I'm not sure about my feelings. I'm not lost as to what side I'm fighting on or just what I should do for the war.

I'm lost personally.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

coxtastic
2008-05-24 12:33 am UTC (link)

Since when have feelings come into play in this game? Have all the feelings you want after we win. But during the battle? For the love of God, pull yourself together. You are going to drag this entire team down, drag your ass and make us carry you. This funk your in? It doesn't matter in the end. It doesn't matter out there on that field.

So you had a momentary lapse. Big whoop. Either sort it out with him quietly, or just learn to deal with it all together. Because here's the simple truth. The second you start blaming yourself for everything, there's no coming back. And quite honestly, I'd rather go back to see my kids.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-24 01:37 am UTC (link)
	I understand, I'm working on sorting myself out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 01:42 am UTC (link)
	Then please please please please please please please please please please keep it to yourself. Its re~he~he~heally annoying when people whine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-24 01:50 am UTC (link)
	Understandable. I was just going to see how people input. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 01:54 am UTC (link)
	Nobody cares. Nobody. We're all here to do one thing. Win. And unless there's a therapist here no one's going to even start to give a shit. So please, take your over emotional ball of angst and go find a corner to cut yourself in. Let me reiterate that again. No one. Cares. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-24 01:59 am UTC (link)

Then why even reply, Dr.Cox? You apparently care enough to find it annoying, and therefore care enough to tell me I'm being annoying.

Which is funny, if no one cares, why is everyone getting so worked up over what I did? You'd think less people here in Niflheim would care that I raped L, but, no, most everyone is upset over it, several people want to tear me limb from limb for it.

So, might I ask again, if no one cares...why are they showing so much hostility towards this?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

coxtastic
2008-05-24 02:10 am UTC (link)

Because your whining is so incessant in my ear that normal thought is near impossible. Because its fun to watch you wiggle like a worm on a fishing line. Because its funny that you think anyone and I mean anyone gives a shit. I only find it annoying because you're whining like a little terrier.

Because, Tiny Dancer, everybody (even the men in little mud huts) is out to make themselves seem like they're the best thing ever. Some of them succeed in convincing others, while others (like yourself) are only in it for the "WAH PITY ME" factor.

As for everyone else, I'd imagine its because you just WILL. NOT. SHUT. UP. about it and has put everyone is on oh my god foul mood. Maybe if you just shut your mouth and quit it with the "i'm a martyr OH NO!" act and stuck with the "I'm going to sit in my corner and be a dumbass to myself now" act, they wouldn't hate you so much.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-24 02:18 am UTC (link)

Funny, if you simply stayed away from these journals you'd be able to think fine. I'm in my room, not bothering anyone physically or verbally. Strange, do you receive these journals straight to your ear? I wouldn't think so, so I'd think that your thought processes wouldn't be messed up if you weren't paying attention to me.

I'm not here for pity.

Also, people who had seemed to not be annoyed by me or find me to be a 'whiner' now are disgusted with me because I raped L. Such a strange turnaround for people who don't 'care.'

Also, your whole argument back did not coincide with my points.

If no one cares, why even bother to even pay attention to me? Whatever your conception on 'whining' is will not affect you if you don't care enough to pay attention to the 'whining.'

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

coxtastic
2008-05-24 02:28 am UTC (link)

Oh my god. You're like. A little fly, that wont go away. Even with the fly paper down, you still wont go away.

Why wont you go away?

Seriously, am I talking to myself? I could have sworn I said what the hell was so annoying. I'll break it down for you so it will be easier to understand. I'll even add a few details that SHOULD have been obvious if you had used your brain but apparently missed the filter you're using.

Your whining. Makes it hard to think. It hurts the brain. And makes me grumpy. When I'm grumpy, I get angry. I don't want to be angry. I want to be left alone.

Your 'i'm so lost' deal is an obvious grab for pity. I'm surprised you don't see it, its THAT obvious. If anyone should get pity, its me. For having to deal with people like you day in day out. Day in, day out, day in, day out, day in, day out...

So, in summary?

Shoo fly. Don't bother me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-24 02:35 am UTC (link)

Funny how you think this journal entry is for pity.

I do not expect pity form anyone who replies to this..so why would I ask for it?

No, I wasn't asking for pity, I was pretty much just asking everyone to tell me just how they feel about what I've done to me directly instead of just reading what they think on other people's journals.

I don't directly do things like most humans do. I usually go about it in a roundabout way.

And it worked for three people. Strix wants to kill me. Dante finds me sick because I won't stand behind my actions. You are tired of my 'whining,' as you put it.

I'm learning Jazz's opinion elsewhere.

So, therefore, no, I'm not asking for pity.

I'm analyzing how people react to me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 02:44 am UTC (link)
	Why would anyone else's opinion even matter? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

yagami_light
2008-05-24 02:57 am UTC (link)

Why would it matter?

Because I want to change.

Whether or not you want to believe me, I want to fix things and make myself less of an 'annoyance' to the team.

I simply want to get this war over, because I now have no other real purpose, L will kill me eventually, so what does it matter what I do until then? I'll still go to the same place after I die. It's the way my universe is. Everyone goes to Nothingness.

I just want to make sure it's L who kills me and not someone on my team. How do I do that? I become a better part of the team. I help you instead of hinder you, and I try not to make everyone as flustered as I seem to, you being one of many examples.

Sure, at first I'll still be annoying to an extent, but I'll work on it.

Thank you for your input, Dr.Cox. It will serve me better than any psychotherapist or other such person.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 02:59 am UTC (link)
	NO. no no no no no! I'm not helping, i'm grouching! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-24 03:02 am UTC (link)
	Hee, whatever you choose to call it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 03:03 am UTC (link)
	NO. Say it. Say it with me. "Dr. Cox is grouching not HELPING." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-24 03:07 am UTC (link)
	Just because I say it doesn't mean I believe it and the effects of the help won't still be there..but..whatever. Dr.Cox is grouching. Not helping. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 03:08 am UTC (link)
	No, but it'll help me feel better. Damn right i'm grouching. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-24 06:48 am UTC (link)
	Well, if being grouchy gives you kicks, you know. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	yagami_light 2008-05-24 03:03 am UTC (link)
	((OOC:That seriously made me giggle, though)) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	coxtastic 2008-05-24 03:04 am UTC (link)
	{ooc;hahaha me too! I'm so picturing Perry hanging his head going "Oh god, not another Newbie."} (Reply to this) (Parent)

	rascal_phoenix 2008-05-25 03:57 am UTC (link)
	Would you like some ice cream and a box of tissues? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-25 07:53 am UTC (link)
	The ice cream's probably poisoned and the tissues..I don't even want to know. So, just out of curiosity..how do you feel about recent events? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rascal_phoenix 2008-05-25 08:15 am UTC (link)
	Eh, it's not my style, babycakes. What, am I supposed to care? You've got your list, and I've got mine. I couldn't care less what the fuck you do, so long as you don't cross my line. Then we'll be just peachy. ...And how was he, hmmmm~? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yagami_light 2008-05-25 08:18 am UTC (link)
	Well, I'm glad it's not. I would rather you not care than react the way so many others have. Also, I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rascal_phoenix 2008-05-25 08:30 am UTC (link)
	Yes, I'm so thoughtful. Then we're in accordance, I see. Aw, keep the juicy bits to yourself. All those juicy, juicy bits... Bye, bye~ (Reply to this) (Parent)